I was reading an article called “Flip the Script” in the current Sex and Love Sextember section of Essence magazine as I prepared for my Date Like You Mean It Event. Everything that I read seemed very weighty about dating or human interaction.
This article was about men and condoms. The argument was that men try to get out of using condoms. Their mission was to prepare women with comebacks on how to protect themselves and still keep the mood. They gave instructions about what to do when he was trying to run game. For me the article had its usual advertising opportunity and consumer awareness which is not a bad thing.
Well, to flip the script again, this time the script is to prepare men with comebacks. It is been said and thought by people that it is always the man that does not want to use a condom. However, I know that is not always the situation. More often than recognized or confessed it’s the woman. Again more often than not, it is older women, not girls in their 20’s. But using a condom helps to prevent the spread of STSs.
If you are being responsible around your sexual health, you never have to plan your reasons to use a condom. What’s the worst that could happen if the person, man or woman, does not want to use a condom? They leave upset, but you can never compromise your values or choice and feel good with yourself. The article gave individual scenarios for condom endorsements, here are some straight forward to the point examples.
Man/Woman/Your Response
- I can’t feel anything. – Too bad my rule is if you cannot use a condom. You won’t be feeling anything with me.
- I don’t have a condom. Let’s just keep going. – No condom, no sex we can go get some or wait.
- Let me just put the tip, I won’t go any further. – My doctor calls it rim play. Condom please!
- Don’t you trust me? – I trust that I will use a condom with or without you.
- I can never find a condom that fits. – Aw! How unfortunate, but they come in all different sizes.
- I don’t have a condom. – Don’t worry I carry my own. I am a person in control of my sex life.
After speaking with a few male friends of mine, they told me that they have been in the situation where women did not want to use a condom. One man said that he was with a woman who tried to guilt him into not using a condom. She told him, in an explicit way, that it feels better. It was very uncomfortable as he wanted to have sex, but insisted that he would wear a condom.
They said that a woman that did not wear a condom was a deal breaker and made them feel uncomfortable. It is a myth that all men want to have sex without a condom. I read a tweet on Monday by a fellow relationship coach who said carrying a condom showed that you were prepared to practice safe sex, but it also showed that you had no discipline. I feel that practicing safe sex is very disciplined. If you do not have a condom, than you don’t and won’t have sex.
*Its important to have your own condom as some people do not know how to store them and or think about the expiration dates. Condoms should be stored in a cool dry place, away from both excess heat and extremely low temperatures. Storing condoms in the pocket, valet or car compartment may damage them.