Downward Dating Part Two

Last week we discussed what downward dating was. This week we will discuss its effects on both parties.

It is unfortunate but most of the recipients of downward dating love the idea of dating you. They love what you do, what you have but they subconsciously are frightened that you may not be interested in them. They are subconsciously don’t like what you are, as you represent all that they are not and this dredge’s up their insecurity. Downward dating people derive pleasure from you because it gives them an opportunity to inflate their already timorous ego.

They love what you represent, that you have an education and the social accoutrements or any other accolades whether earned, learned or born with. They love that you have your own money which is oftentimes, more than theirs. On the other hand, with downward dating there is no dedication. It’s just bragging which could later be at your mental expense and discredit.

Some downward dating partners are only capable of trying to break you down. The relationship is lop-sided. Your partner can become spiteful, downright nasty and mean spirited. Downward daters are for the most part only really interested in themselves and making you wrong. Their level of insecurity is very high. The experience of downward dating is one of insecurity and belief that internally that they don’t deserve something.

Downward daters will continual ask questions that you can’t answer in the way they want. “Why are you really interested in me” Duh, you’re interested in them because you like them. They cannot believe that and are extremely adamant that you’re not being truthful. They make statements like that you’re trying to use them They do not hear or listen to what is being said in a conversation. They only hear their internal conversation and make up things that were not being said or experienced. Downward dater is not based in reality. Downward dates and daters come in all shapes and sizes color and crude. This incessant dialogue is very dysfunctional. This is when you leave the interaction (Run now!)

Many people have downward dated at some point in their life. Even if you can fake amnesia and plead the 5th you’ve done it.
Here is my experience in downward dating:

I dated a man with less money then me. I knew upfront that he could not afford to attend a lot of the things that I invited him to, so I would foot the bill if I really wanted to go. I didn’t have a problem with sharing, but when my sharing became a problem, the relationship become uncomfortable. His ego, was getting a little roughed up about not having extra play money. I did not do it deliberately. If I was digging down into my savings or spending above my means, I would say something. Unfortunately, my guy had not mastered this concept, he had difficulty expressing his feelings about my money. Our relationship became increasingly difficult and it became progressively more difficult having certain conversations. So he proceeded to make me wrong. Eventually we broke up.

Today my opinion is if your venturing into a situation like this,you’re probably setting yourself up for failure. Work with me here, you have spent a number of years building up your education and that education has increased your socio economic standing only to find that you are not dating on an level playing field. You have little in common with them and furthermore they resent you for it. It is important to date with clarity. It takes time to get to know the people. It is also important that you give yourself time to get to know the people you’re interacting with and that you do not compromise your spirit.

I know many men and woman complain that they are sad and that they feel alone. Theoretically, we are all. Even in a relationship, amongst family, friends or in a group, we can feel alone. Alone, is a feeling, not our truth. The key is to accepting being alone is checking whether this is true for you. Then choosing what you want to do with what you know. Rejecting your findings that you are alone will not only make you feel better about being alone, it will prevent you from jumping into relationships that do not support your energy and what you are up to in your life. It is healthy to look at yourself with a critical yet compassionate eye so that you can make the decisions that only you can and will say are right for you. If you let lonely choose for you, you’ll be in a relationship that will have you whirling and not in a good way.

I hope you will join me next week for some dating tips.

Downward Dating Part One

Are you dating people that you cannot afford to be with? I don’t just mean fiscally, I mean mentally, emotionally, socially, educationally, spiritually and or economically. When you choose someone new to date, are you on an equal playing field?

Dating on an unequal playing field is a source of frustration and can become out-and-out upsetting. I have coined the phrase “Downward dating.” Downward facing dog is a traditional yoga pose that Stretches and strengthens the whole body while relaxing the mind. Unlike downward dating which only eats away at your sanity and puts you in a pile of confusion. In the end, you wind up blaming yourself for the relationships demise. As with many of life’s choices there is no one to blame and many lessons to learn.

The way your dates treat you and the opportunities that come your way are determined by your attitude, energy and your sense of self. Often times, it feels good to blame others, but you know intuitively that it is not right. One of the only things you can possibly get from downward dating is some instant physical satisfaction which is often very nice but that lasts for about a good sixty seconds. However, you’re not making the kinds of connection that you desire. You are not getting the emotional connection you desire, so you’re left upset, angry and frustrated.

I have heard dating described as a gladiator sport. It is not for the faint of heart. Dating will test you and can shred every ounce of confidence you have or wreck havoc on your self image. While dating, whatever insecurities you are dealing with will surface and leave you not even recognizing yourself.

Do you experience yourself and realize that you are you dating the same physical type of man/woman over and over again. Do you have a physical type, i.e. tall, blonde, bald, hulking, etc. and are not interested in leaving that type behind? In the past, I have been guilty of dating like that. Thus not making room for anyone else to enter my sphere and all the while, still looking for a different response and treatment. Duh! However, are you not ready to leave your type behind but still want something different? Do you want and or are you interested in stopping this kind of behavior? Do you want a different results?
Before you go out on another single date start, looking at what you don’t like about your dating habits.

Start by asking yourself about what you’re experiencing; see if it is a reflection of how you treat yourself. If you cannot change or are not ready to date, you are doomed to continue creating more of the same dating situation. This can be said for any situation that does not work for you anymore. It you want to date differently, you have to start giving yourself something first. If you want to date better people, you have to become a better person. If you want to be respected, you have to give respect to yourself and then to others, if you want to improve the quality of your dates you have to improve the quality of yourself. Start by asking questions “What can I contribute to my dates?” What you receive from any dating situation will transform when you accept yourself.

Relationships Take Work

Thank God I can read. I am reading a wonderful little book called A Fine Romance, The passage of Courtship from Meeting to Marriage.  This book was written in the 80s, but it’s quite motivating. It describes how we experience life and relationships. 

Everything that is important takes work.  Your career, growing your money, your health, getting in shape, it all takes work. The book explains that you are conscious of all the work life takes, but are not aware of how much work it takes to be in a successful relationship. 

The writer is bloody right. When it comes to matters of the heart, I personally want my relationships to be thunder bolts and lightening.  I want it to be like a fantasy that happens in a Lifetime movie. My lover plants a gentle kiss on my mouth and my eyes shut and next minute, life cuts to me being married, living in the perfect house with the perfect life. The end.  Yeah!  Wake up.  Duh!  None of this is going to happen unless I work at it. 

Relationships takes work because the dating process takes effort. It is not just one step. You have to go through many steps: the dating process, the courting process, getting to know each other, being present with your feelings, thoughts and everything else in between.  Being confident enough go through the process of creating of partnership without getting aggravated requires you to discover what you really want in a relationship. In order to do that, you need to monitor your own behaviors.

What I discovered is there is a challenging universal structure to courtship.  In a nutshell, there are many experiences that can occur. You may one day feel ambivalent or you may have deaf stops where you only hear your own thoughts and ignore anything anyone else has to say. You also have the challenge of dealing with your own personal theories, worries, limiting beliefs and triggers, as well as a list of what your partner should and should not do. There are dramas within ourselves which relate to a complicated array of drives, feelings, expectations and assumptions. Each one determining our individual responses to love and relationships. All along the way, your self-esteem gets battered and bruised. Your confidence gets shattered and you wind up swimming in a world of unhappiness. Your feel like you are glowing one moment while in the next, you feel like an abandoned baby on the steps of a local church, not knowing what the hell happened.   

At times you feel ambivalent. One minute you dig the person and the next minute you wonder what you ever saw in them. Then back again.  Either you’re dumped or you’re dumping them out of exasperation and frustration.  One of the things to be excited about and to know is this is all a part of the relationship experience. It is normal. The important thing to remember is to build a solid foundation within yourself that is separate from the relationship. This will allow you to be like a rock that won’t be swayed by every step of the courting process. If not,  the fears of your past relationships will leach into your new relationships, whether your aware of it or not.

I had the liberty of dating a man I thought was wonderful. In the end, we did not work out. The main reason is because his old relationship filtered into my relationship with him. He may have left his last relationship but it did not leave him. How do I know that he did not truly get rid of his last relationship? He said he had the utmost disdain for his ex-live-in-girlfriend. As time went on, the same concerns and worries from his old relationship filtered into the relationship I was having with him. He had a fear of entrapment. His language was about me trapping him in a cage. He did not want to be in that same type of situation again so all relationships were scary to him. There was no opportunity for me in our relationship as his unconscious behavior made him behave as though all relationships were going to end in the same way. 

The book describes this as the fear of entrapment.  I made his anxiety worse. He feared being locked in an emotional cage. He thought when he was with a woman, he’d lose his freedom.  No matter what I said, it made no real difference.  It was over before it was even allowed to begin.

I could have felt bad about it. I could have blamed myself. But because of a healthy amount of confidence and self-esteem, I know that the end of our relationship does not mark me as a failure or a bad person. I know I can give and receive love. The end of a relationship is not a rejection of me and my worth as a person. It is not personal. It is a personal relationship but the behavior is not personal. The thing that is personal is the love I share in any relationship which I will continue to give freely.

How Long is Too Long to go Without Sex?

Sex, Sex, Sex. I am surrounded by sex, I have not had sex in about One year and one month. I have just noticed that in my life I am surrounded by women. I work with women, and I hang out with women. Nothing wrong with my sisters. However, it is time for me to get some Man Energy.

So since I have been focusing on man energy and sex, I have attracted into my life the activities of my neighbors. So, okay, I have not been getting any sex and my Vagina, or as the trendy people say Vajaja, (I have no idea if I have spelled it correctly). Anyway, I have attracted my neighbors’ sex lives. My upstairs neighbor and his boyfriend are having so much sex that I am afraid that the ceiling is going cave in and I end up under their bed. My neighbor to the left of me who has two bedrooms but has just put a new bed in the bedroom that I share a party wall with, he has decided that this will be his new sex room. Well, he and his girlfriend wake me up at 6:00am to the not so sweet sounds of them screaming, groaning wildly and the headboard banging on the party wall. I think the Universe is now telling me something. (Loudly)

So as the founder of I am Pink Bubble, where the intention is nothing is wrong, there is no lack and everything is available, I am answering the Universe and I’m bringing some man energy into my life. My world has be without Man Energy for far too long that my Vagina thinks my throat has been cut. It really thinks if feels I’m dead.

So, this last Thursday, at a party I conjured up a very attractive man who invited me to hang with him in Jamaica, that is another story for another time ladies. So this weekend I am off to Jamaica for a fun time in the sun with some overdue Man Energy. Who knows maybe my Vajaja will come back to life. But I won’t tell. So the questions are:

How long has it been since you have had some Man Energy?
How long is too long?
What are you willing to do about it?

I request that you put on your Man Attracting Energy and go get you some Man Energy.
Do you accept?

 

The importance of creating boundaries in your life

Setting personal boundaries is a way of protecting and taking care of you. It is important to be able to tell people when they are performing in ways that are not acceptable. It is also important to be able to know that you have the right and duty to protect and defend yourself. It is not only your right to protect and defend yourself; it is your responsibility to be clear on how you want others to treat you.

It is important that you learn how to state your feelings verbally and let people know how you feel in a way that communicates clearly. By stating your feelings verbally you affirm your right to your feelings. By affirming your feelings it allows you to begin taking responsibility for yourself and your life. Owning yourself, your reality and your voice is empowering. The result of self ownership allows other people to hear and understand you clearly.

Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation. Some people might say that they are setting boundaries when in fact they are attempting to manipulate people and situations. The difference between setting boundaries and manipulation is that boundaries are healthy and it gives people choices. Also setting boundaries allow you the freedom to let go of the outcome. Whereby, manipulation is not a clear form of communication and it exploits people into doing what you want them to do by using methods that cause confusion. This confusion creates outcomes that only the manipulator is clear about.

It is unhealthy to have relationships with people who have no boundaries, who cannot communicate directly, honestly and freely. Learning how to set boundaries is important and necessary for you to be a friend to yourself and others. It is your responsibility to take care of and to protect yourself. It is important to love, honor and respect yourself. You cannot truly love yourself if you do not take responsibility. Loving yourself allows you the opportunity and freedom to be a creator in your life.

Photo Courtesy of SkyWhisper

Below are a few examples of boundaries:

Setting boundaries with people who are upset
Please do not shout at me. Lower, your voice or I will not have this conversation

Setting boundaries when at work
Please do not call me at work to discuss personal issues. I only conduct personal issues at home in the evening.

Setting boundaries for critical people
I thank you for your comment with regard to my personal appearance
It is not okay for you to discuss my hair or weight. I find that it offends me.

Setting boundaries with friends who borrow money
It is important that you pay back money you owe or I will not loan you any money in the future.

There are many kinds of boundaries that you can create. The following is a list of areas that might require setting boundaries:
Boundaries for space
Boundaries for time
Boundaries for money
Boundaries for work
Boundaries for family
Boundaries for adults
Boundaries for sex

I hope that this article gives you some insights into creating boundaries for yourself.

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

   “Live Life Your Way”    www.noreensumptercoach.com 
Call 718-834-9450 or e-mail noreen@noreensumptercoach.com
Subscribe to my weekly Newsletter, join me on Facebook and Twitter

Making Time For Friends

Friends are people you connect with.  They are people who make you feel comfortable enough to  fully share your self.  You become involved with these friends because you’re attracted to their characteristics, energy and personality.  You choose to remain friends with them because you enjoy their company and have a mutually honest and respectful relationship. You trust your friend with your secrets, ideas, thoughts and feelings.  You feel secure with these people you call friends.

Friends together
Powerful friendships allow you to give and receive.  They allow you a place to express and share your common interests and find new ones together.  Good friendships allow you to develop your self, obtain new skills and learn to relate.  The power from these kinds of friendships is that they help to meet your needs for acceptance and let you know you belong.

The company of good friends is a beautiful thing.  However, it can be for some people very difficult to cultivate and maintain.  If you remember back when you were young, making friends was easy.  You were exposed to people your own age who had similar interests and life circumstances – who were available to form friendships and whose only responsibilities were generally homework, hobbies and a few chores.  The supply of friendship and time were abundant and not much mattered.  You had plenty of time to have your friendships develop and blossom naturally.

As we grew and left school, adulthood arrived with its many responsibilities of paying bills, developing careers and looking for mating prospects. Friends started to go in various directions.  Creating and developing new friendships does not appear as abundant as they once were.  When you meet new people you’re compatible with, you have to schedule time to develop the relationship.  However, the general truth according to what people say is that they just do not have enough time.  People are constantly complaining about not having enough time.  However, we are are all apportioned the same amount of time-  24 hours per day.  It all depends on what you do with it.  Do you use it or do you waste and lose it?  Are you so booked and scheduled that you can’t muster the energy to make an invitation for lunch?  Are your lunch breaks usually booked?  Do you barely have time to take lunch cause you’re running errands or working at your desk through lunch?

friends arm in arm

Like anything you have to commit.  I have clients who are constantly telling me that they don’t have any friends and they have a hard time making new friends. However, after working with me, you discover that as you begin to align time with your priorities, your opportunities for friendship increase.  You will discover that you are the one who has to decide who you’re going to be friends with.

Trust is one of the issues that people who do not have friends are always concerned about.  However the lack of trust, I have discovered, is internal.  When self trust is developed, you start to give trust differently.  If it is friends and relationship that you want to develop, then you have to start taking risks and being approachable.

Here are some questions that I ask my clients:

What do you want in a friendship?  On a scale of one to ten, how satisfied are you without friendships?
What do you believe that having friends would add to your life?
What actions do you take that allow you to meet and make new friends?
What do you do that keep friends away?
What do you do that pollutes your friendship?
If you were to transform and deepen your friendships what would that be like?

The Art of Manipulation

Have you ever had a friend that just severs ties with you and you don’t know why? 

 

Well, I have.  This was a person that I had known for nearly 20 years.  I considered our relationship to be one that was exceedingly valuable.  It was a friendship filled with fun, laughter and travel.  Even though there were significant differences in each of us, I accepted our friendship for what it was.  I loved to talk; my friend was more of a listener.  I loved to do and take action; my friend would rather leave things alone. I bought things that I loved; my friend bought things based on economical value.  I am a communicator; she left things unsaid. I cleared things up and got on with the business of life; she kept malice.  I know that no two people can ever be alike, not even siblings, so to expect any more of my friendship with her was based on clarity up until our friendship ended.

Photo by woodleywonderworks
Photo by woodleywonderworks

During my friendship, I never judged her; I accepted her and our differences.  Then one day I called her and she did not return my call.  It remained unreturned for one day, which turned into weeks, then turned into months, and now has turned into years.  The fact that she didn’t return my call or contact me still concerns me.  During that time I sent her emails, and I continued to call her worried that something was wrong.  Never once did she pick up the phone and call me.  This type of behavior is selfish and just plain wrong; it is called Manipulation.

 

Manipulation is a very sneaky and cowardly way of behaving.  It is a very disempowering way of being. The manipulator appears to have the upper hand because the person they are trying to victimize has no idea what is going on with them.  It is a way of controlling situations where you clearly do not have any power.  Powerful people state what is going on with them clearly and precisely, they do not feel the need to control or use manipulation as a way ending relationships.

 

Little did I know that my friend had malice toward me, and was using her manipulation to control this one sided situation.  An adult who has strong boundaries and a good sense of esteem allows a person to know that they have been offended or had a boundary broken. A confident person will not have another person going around in confusion, not knowing what it is they have done. With regard to my friend, how was I ever to know what it was that I was supposed to have done to warrant being banished? I was never told.

 

For me, it is not only the loss of the relationship that was upsetting, sad and disappointing, it is also not knowing what it was that I had done;  the incompletion of the end.

 

Today, six and a half years later, I am still in the place where I have no idea what I have done.  This is the kind of non-communicational manipulation that destroys numerous people, leaving them afraid to develop relationships and trust people.  Today, six and a half years later, I am not upset or disappointed for the loss of the relationship.  I now know that these were my expectations not hers.  So, I have given up my disillusionment.

 

Friends have disagreements.  It is important to share what it is you want or don’t want.  It is important that you share with others when you feel that you have been offended in some way or if you have caused some kind of upset, to be able to share in a way that will help clear the upset and help you remain in a positive friendship.  If the relationship should crash and burn, at least both parties will not be left in the dark.  They can agree to disagree and part amicably.

 

Take responsibility for your actions; take responsibility for your upsets.

 

People have feelings and even if you do not value the relationship, stop for a minute and know that it takes two to have a valuable relationship and maybe your friend values this relationship even if you do not. To be in communication within a friendship is learning to accept your friend for all they are and all they are not.  These steps are the makings of great friendships.

Mind Your own Business

Each and every one of us was put on this earth to do something. 

 

It does not have to be saving the earth, you don’t have to find a cure; you have to know what it is you want for yourself and your life.  So it is your birth right and duty to get on with it. Many people are afraid to do what they desire to do.   They believe happiness is measured by a percentage of about 75-90%.  They are afraid of what people will think of them. The have no idea of what their life could look like if they had the whole 100% that they are seeking. So they live their lives doing what they think their friends and families want them to so.   They do things to please other people and neglect themselves.  They have careers they don’t want and are miserable with the other 10%.  It’s none of your business what people think of you.  Do what you want and just  be happy.   Stand strong, self-validate and commit to being a contribution to someone of something.  Your happiness will be fulfilled. 

 

Discovery

 

What I have discovered is that most people want to make a contribution to others.  It is always described as, I want to help people.  I want to teach people and I want to make people happy. It is always for other people.  It is important that we understand that we share.  In order to share, we have to have.  So to give happy, you have happy, so you share happy.  The next thing that happens after a declaration is the fear of what people will think of them.   They start to worry and stress about what they’re afraid of and what people might think about them.  The truth is that people think all sorts of things and very few of those thoughts will be about you.

 

Sitting & Listening

 

I had the pleasure of sitting for an artist who is unbelievable and exciting.  This artist a woman who is in her sixties, she paints men and women in the nude. Being painted in the nude is the epitome of full disclosure.  This extremely talented woman, this artist was being very unhappy, unproductive and stuck. I listened to her talk about her life and her art; her life sounded like a very exciting life. She spoke of herself as a woman that had marched to her own drum, lived a life filled with passion and pleasure and has made a contribution with her art healing people and freeing them of their self loathing issues, cause by various negative experiences.  As she cleared how she was feeling, she was able to discover that her unhappiness was caused by her belief.  That belief was what a friend and colleague had said about her.  This colleague was someone who she had respected.  Basically, she was not allowing this person to have an opinion.  She started to believe what he said was true.

In a moment, this woman, like many people, was killing herself off.  She was not being an artist, she was not being successful, and she was not being vibrant.  She was doubtful, fearful, believing in scarcity, and not minding her own business.  By not minding her own business, she was minding the business of her friend that she had allowed to hex her.  This hexing had had ripped the passion out of her life and was robbing her of her vibrancy on a moment to moment basis.  She felt that she could not paint – that her creativity had gone.  She was lost and slowly going into energy bankruptcy as well as a financial bankruptcy.  How can a woman that had had a vibrant life all of a sudden have a sense of loss and lose her creativity?  Well, when you do not mind your business closely, you allow other peoples thoughts and opinions to rob you of your passion.  If hexing someone was a crime, then many people would be found guilty.

 

You don’t want people you love and respect to say anything to you that appears negative.  However, people just like you have the right to say anything they want and you have the right to listen or not.  Where you get caught and hooked is you that you make what they say mean something.  Simple example:  Person A says: I don’t like that painting.  You make it mean:  I am not a good artist, I can’t create and it goes on and on.  So now you walk around with that belief. I am not a good artist, I can’t paint and I have no creativity and no one will buy your work. It belief gets bigger and bigger and you in turn get smaller and smaller, you begin to feel insecure, and shut down.

 

It is important to learn that what people say is none of your business. 

 

Your business is your life, your thoughts about you.  It is important that you remain positive and understand that these sorts of statements are not personal to you.   That is what happened with this woman.  She forgot who or what she was up to in her life.  She forgot that art inspired her life and the life of the people who bought her art.  She forgot that she had a mission her in her world and that and only that was her business.

 

When we learn that it is none of your business what others say or think about you.  You can say thank you for your opinion and mean it.  Your life expands and you go back to the business of fulfilling our life mission.
penis enlargement medicine
breast enlargement pills

Friends, Love and Understanding

Friends are important to me.

One thing I know is that I have a gift for making friends and I love the friends I have.  It has nothing to do with the length of time that I know them.  It has to do with the love that I can now share. I do not like releasing friendships.

What I didn’t know about myself until recently is that I never gave myself permission to not be a friend.  I believe that I can find the best in everyone, I  didn’t have to not like a person because they had certain characteristics that didn’t not work for me.  I thought that if I found the qualities that I liked in them, it would outweigh the ones I didn’t.

My Personal Story

My trip to Jamaica with a friend was an experience. I will forgive yes but forget because it was a valuable learning tool.  It was an extremely volatile and sad experience for me.  I accept that I had been avoiding some harsh realities.  My friend whom I have grown to love, had some behaviors that were not personal to me, but they were bad behaviors never-the-less and though I knew they existed, I did not want to see them in my world.  These behaviors had been exhibited last year, so I was knowledgeable about her extremes.  Even though I knew her behavior might be something that I would experience first hand, I neglected to accept it.  I did not face my own truth and follow my intuition.
Therefore, May 2011 became my turn.  Based on my commitment to supporting people develop confidence and self-esteem with my commitment to myself to not to have vulgar exchanges with any other human beings, I left my friend to experience her volatile tantrums on her own in the parking lot of our beautiful resort.
My friend is a very intelligent and professional woman who is a little stuck and unhappy.  When upset like many individuals, she finds it difficult to express herself and is taken away with emotion that is too much for her to handle.

What I Discovered


Anyway, being a Personal Life Coach and working in the area of confidence and self-esteem while also being committed to using my words to empower. (I like all humans feel the fight or flight emotion)  I knew my friend’s behavior was volatile, I recognized it very early on in our relationship.  I recognized all the signs, but because it was a very young friend, I chose to allow her to be who she was.   In the beginning, I would mention her behavior.  However, since she did not hire me or ask for my support, I decided to choose which hill I wanted to die on.  Plus, people do not welcome unsolicited instruction.  So, I would leave it at that.
What I have discovered, and now own and accept, is that there were people in my life that had a lot of behaviors I did not agree with, but I chose to keep them in my life always seeking the good, repeating my personal mantras “They’re nice” or “They’re fun” which there were, at times.  But not realizing that I was also fun, I was also nice and that it was time for me to let these people go.

I also realized that I wanted some new friends that had similar qualities that were important to me.  Example:  Friends that liked people, who shared themselves freely, with similar interests, and for the relationship to have a loving quality to it.  What I discovered was that it is not my friend’s responsibility to bring the fun or anything I wanted, it was mine.   I realized that these relationships were my doing!  I had created these people from a lack of value that I had about myself.  It was my choice, I had brought these people into my world, and it was my responsibility to value myself and recreate friendships from a place of inner confidence and self-esteem in my world.
Removing them did not mean I had to disregard them and or make them wrong.  What it meant for me was being truthful with myself and cutting the cord with this friend, as painful as I thought it was.  It was important to cut cords and still feel love for them with no upset, no jellies in the pit of my stomach.  I could still be polite, loving and wishing them happiness in their respective lives yet moving on in mine.
I learned in that precious moment that I could still love my friend.  The experience showed me that I loved and valued myself and releasing the friend was just releasing.  It was nothing else.

My Life Now


So I have released this friend and few others in a very short space of time, I have opened the door and attracted new people into my life that I am enjoying and love to be around.  I’m enjoy being with these people and they share that they really enjoy being with me.   All the things that I bring to my friendships are reflected back at me.
Ask yourself these questions:
What can you see from this learning experience?
Where in your life are you not giving yourself permission?
If you want something new, are you open to having it come from anywhere, anyplace, anyone?
This experience happened to have me get aware of new opportunities.  Where are your opportunities?
What are you tolerating in your life?
pills for penis enlargement

Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?

It seems like women are constantly being told what to do with their vaginas.  In the media, woman are told how to date, what to wear and how to think.  They’re constantly telling women what they should be, do and have.  If it’s not the media, then it is women feeling judged based on their circumstances and they are left feeling like they have no control.  For example, if women are unmarried or childless, it is deemed wrong in some way.  It’s time for women to stand up and realize that there’s nothing wrong and start really believing that you are worthy in spite of your imperfections.   If you find that there is something in life that is not perfect for you, only you can change it.  Don’t complain or fret as only you can change what you don’t like about your life.

As a Personal Life Coach, my commitment is in confidence and self esteem. I use the metaphor of the vagina to distinguish your individual self.  No two vaginas are visually the same and only you individually know what is going on in your vagina and its needs.

I’m always asking the question of “Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?” when I hear the media directing women on their life choices.  I have a very funny male OB/GYN; he is very good and service orientated.  Our relationship is very good and open. I feel I can ask him any question I can come up with.   Nevertheless, I remember going into him and describing a pain I had in my vagina after eating certain foods.  He told me that was not possible.  I looked at him and asked him “Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?”, he checked himself, laughed and apologized by saying how could he ever know what pain I was feeling in my vagina as he does not and never had one.  End of story.

 

So, I request of you today to take charge of your vagina and all that you are.  Do not let anyone decide for you what feels good or what you desire.  Just remember it’s your Vagina and you get to say how it goes.  You get to take responsibility.
I am saddened by how many women do not know the power of their Vagina themselves. As a Personal Life Coach, a lot of woman I  encounter don’t know or understand the control they have when it comes to their needs and desires.  They treat themselves and their vaginas, like a stray kitten waiting for somebody to rescue them, feel them up and give them an orgasm.  Then they walk away feeling resentful because they were treated poorly or bitch and moan when it’s doesn’t turn out the way they hoped.

 

Your Vagina, along with the clitoris, is an amazing structure; it is a sensitive organ and its sole purpose is pleasure.   Can you imagine? How fortunate, an organ for the sole purpose of pleasure.  What a beautiful thing!

 

My personal belief is that women should only release their pleasure organ when they want to and when they feel like it, no matter what.  With all the positive information in the media, women are still feeling the pressure to have sex when they are not interested or don’t want to. They feel pressure to be cute, to be accepted or just to not be rejected.  Sex is a wonderful experience when you want to have sex and not because you’re doing it for the approval of another person.

 

You are the pleasure you need, it’s built in.  When you do something for another person you are seeking something from them. This is done because you don’t have enough strength to really take care of yourselves or your needs. This is not just the practice of young women,  this is also the practice of older women as well.  It has nothing to do with age, educational or economical value; it has to do with personal value.  It is important to be able to speak up for yourself in the world, even in the bedroom or other places where you have sex.

 

It is important to know your vagina, and do only things that excite you. It is important to learn what gives you pleasure and turns you on. Get to know every pore, every corner, curve of your body and mind.  Become an expert on yourself and be able to drive yourself to the highest highs. 

 

After all, “Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?”  Consider if you cannot answer that question faithfully, you could consider using a Personal Life Coach until you can answer this question for yourself without hesitation.
anti-wrinkle skin care

No one wants to date your past

No one wants to experience the pain of your past when they begin dating you.  Everyone wants to date from a blank slate, they want to get to know you on their own terms and dating your past partners is not desirable.  Your prospective partner does not want to hear how your exes hurt you, how you can’t trust anyone now, or what happened to you in the past.  So, clean up that mess and start dating from a new fresh blank state.

What are the things that you would share about yourself at market/dating? People grumble that they cannot find a date.  Why can’t you find a date?   There are 6 billion people on the planet.  So why is it so difficult to find a date?  Is it you or your beliefs? Is it your belief that you are not good enough for anyone or no one is good enough for you?

 

What do you bring to the dating table?

Ask yourself these questions, as a person,

What is special about you?
What do you have to offer in a relationship?
What are your prize winning qualities?
What are you non prize winning qualities?
What areas are you willing to work on?
How do you feel about yourself mentally, emotionally and physically?
How do you feel about sex?
Do you love yourself?
Do you love others?
Are you generous or stingy?
What mess do you need to clean up before you start dating?
Are you overly picky, are you trying to date people that are not attracted to you?
Are you even available?

If you were to sell yourself at market what are the things that you would present on your ‘stall’? What are the things you would have under the table and not share openly? What are the things you are afraid to hear about yourself and for people to know about you? Maybe these are the things that you are going to have to rewrite in your life script.

 

A Personal Story

I had a client that had a hair loss problem and wore weaves all the time.  She was embarrassed about her hair loss and also ashamed of an unwanted pregnancy she had had sometime ago.  She met a man that she enjoyed being with.  He in turn enjoyed being with her.  However, she was worried that he would not like her because of her severe hair loss due to weaves and alopecia.  After our work together, she was able to come clean first with herself and then she courageously told him her situation.  He heard her and replied “I don’t care about your hair.  Women wear hair pieces all the time, I do not care about your unwanted pregnancies.  I want you. “  After her confession, she was relieved by his love for her and she reflects on how her shame has been hovering over all of her past relationships, bringing them nothing but pain and sorrow.  In the end, they are now happily married and expecting their own baby.

The main lesson to be learned is:   If you are okay with yourself, the man/woman that likes/loves you will be okay with you.

When starting to date, take it easy on yourself.  It is important that you come to terms with all your upsets, fears and concerns.  You have to forgive yourself and make sure you have taken the time to heal from any past relationships.  It’s important to have a heart to heart with yourself and make sure that you are ready to date.  No one wants to date your past.  What past pains are you bringing into your marketplace?

 
penis pills
natural penis enlargement pills
writing lab report
онлайн заявка на потребительский кредит
заявка на кредит
online assignment help
бесплатный эротический видеочат