Have you forgot to play in your life?

This weekend I had a fabulous time.  I went to a seminar called Wisdom Unlimited, a community event where you could invite your loved ones and play.  The cornerstone of Wisdom Unlimited is play. People who came got to explore the qualities of a child at play—such as curiosity, wonderment, invention, and engagement – with the maturity and wisdom of adulthood. It was the sheer enjoyment of “being” in the moment of daily life with no motives or agendas. Where does one get to live like that? I feel that this experience will have me growing throughout the year. During the event, I saw people being touched, moved and inspired by their own humanity. They got an opportunity to share themselves without barriers, with people they knew and strangers.
In the seminar, I decided to create a 1st class life. It showed up immediately! At the airport, I was bumped up to a seat with extra legroom. We received free food. I realized on my return that I only spent in total $35 for the whole weekend.  Why? because I allowed myself to be taken care of.  How does one do that? By approaching life differently.  What I am taking on in my bones is knowing that anything I want for my life is right under my nose and all I have to do is reach out and ask.  I am taking on asking without fear and accepting that it comes naturally.

Photo by epSos.de
Photo by epSos.de

Do you know that we stop growing unless we deliberately take action in our growth and development? Our lives are a series of conversations that we have with people. If we examine at our conversations, we will get a complete look at that kinds of lives that we are living and creating.  Some of us are not creating lives, as we are stuck in our limiting conversations.  I’ll tell you more of my story next week.

Boston We Have You In Our Heart

I cannot express how the people of Boston must be feeling.  All I can remember is the day 9/11 happened, I couldn’t make sense of what happened. I couldn’t find a place in my mind to make sense of what was happening.  Today, years later, it’s still not clear to me that this kind of atrocity is still happening and will continue to happen. And for what?  Difference of a opinion, religious belief, human separations.

Boston Harbor by Prayitno
Boston Harbor by Prayitno

When this kind of thing occurs, it feels as it is not real. I find it  incomprehensible that human lives are ended and blood is being spilled for no reason that I can understand.

The day of 9/11, the  only place that I could look was fiction, as it was hard for me to believe that this was really happening.  I was looking for Will Smith to come and save us.  Independence Day style.  That was fiction and that is where my mind went.   Today, some years later, I cannot make sense of all this madness that is happening in our cities.   All can say is that Boston, you are in our hearts and mind. You are not alone.

The Secret to Great Sex

Photo by Lies Thru a Lens 
Photo by Lies Thru a Lens 

Women with strong healthy sexual boundaries know their likes and dislikes so their communication is clear, attractive and sexy.   Sex is interplay between consenting individuals.  There are things that you’ll like and the other person might not, so it’s necessary to communicate with the person you intend on having sex with clearly.

A woman who is confident with her sexuality expresses it in and out of the bedroom, with clear verbal and non verbal communication.  She knows that her sexual needs, and pleasure are her responsibility 100% and that her partner is 100% responsible for their needs. As a result, if something shows up in the act of sex that does not appeal to her, she would not hesitate to speak her truth and voice her opinion in a manner that is respectful and non judgmental of herself and partner.

A sexually responsible woman is honest with herself about her needs and desires. She has given herself full permission to live truthfully in all areas of her life that are important.  She shares her boundaries clearly and concisely as she knows her pleasure depends upon it.

So like a sexually responsible woman, with anything in life you desire, it is important that your give yourself permission to have it in order to live your life confidently and freely.

What are your boundaries and have you shared them completely?

It’s ability to know what you desire.  Some people have little or no real boundaries, but they know what repulses them.
A boundary based on repulsions is very clear and focused on what you will not do.  It is important to be clear with your boundaries. They should be your own boundaries and not be boundaries where you are dragged along for a ride only your partner will enjoy.

If you follow or are dragged along by other people’s sexual boundaries you will never feel comfortable. You will always end up feeling resentful, and this kind of tension is never good for your well being.  So if you plan to expand or push your sexual boundaries make sure they are based on your own healthy choices.

Think for a moment, how would you share or express yourself for your pleasure with the following:
Touch:  how you’d like to be touched, when to be touched
Pressure: soft, hard
Pace: fast, slow
Lights: on or off
Rough or not
Sexually explicit language
Introduction of Sex Toys
Kissing and telling
Group sex
Pornography
Condoms
Sharing your sexual History

What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to life with confidence and a strong self esteem in all areas of your life?

What would your life look like if you were living your life with a strong self esteem and without second guessing yourself?

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Do You Know How To Protect Your Heart?

Photo by Katerha
Photo by Katerha

As a Confidence Coach, I believe setting personal boundaries is a way of protecting and taking care of yourself, your heart and not allowing this get twisted by people comments, thoughts or feelings about you. It is important to be able to tell people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to you and to be able to know that you have the right and duty to protect and defend yourself. It is your responsibility to be clear on how you want others to treat you.
I coach my clients to you learn how to state your feelings verbally and let people know how they feel in a way that communicates clearly. By stating your feelings verbally you affirm your right to your feelings and you know that you are not your feelings you have feelings and they can change from situation to situation, moment to moment. By affirming your feelings it allows you to  take responsibility for yourself and your life. Owning yourself, your reality and your voice is empowering. The result of self-ownership, allows other people to hear and understand you clearly.
Some people might say that setting and having boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation. So they are set boundaries when in fact they are attempting to manipulate people and situations. The difference between setting boundaries and manipulation is that boundaries are healthy,give people choices and allows you the freedom to let go of the outcome. Whereby, manipulation is not a clear form of communication and it exploits people into doing what you want them to do, by using methods that cause confusion. This confusion has you

create outcomes that only the manipulator is clear about.It is unhealthy to have relationships with people who have no boundaries, who cannot communicate directly, honestly and freely. Learning how to set boundaries is important and necessary for you to be a friend to yourself and others. It is your responsibility to take care and to protect yourself. It is important to love, honor and respect yourself. You cannot truly love yourself if you do not take responsibility. Loving yourself allows you the opportunity and freedom to be a creator in your life. How well do you set boundaries?  

You Have The Power To Create The Life You Want

What state do you have to be in before you seek help to transform your
circumstances?

Napoleon Hill was a great man of our time.  He masterminded with the most
powerful men in the world.  He believed that we had the power to create anything we want.  I agree. We can create anything we want.  He created some questions and here are a few of them. (If you want the all the questions contact me at Noreen@NoreenSumpterCoach.com)

Please look these questions over and answer them thoroughly.  Be straight
with yourself. If you cannot answer the questions, ask your friends and
see how they see you.

We all have fears: fear of death, poverty, illness, loss of love, criticism and old age.  It is important that we know that negative influences can
work through our subconscious mind and that makes it difficult to
recognize them.

* Do you like what you do for a living?
* Do you often complain about “feeling bad”? And if so, what is the cause?
* Are you envious of people who excel?
* Do you cater to people because of their social or financial status?
* How much time do you spend working about success or failure?
* Who are you inspired or influenced by?
* Do you permit others to think for you?
* Do you neglect to mentally cleanse until auto-intoxication makes you crazy?
* How many needless disturbances annoy you, and why do you tolerate them?
* Do you resort to liquor, narcotics, or cigarettes to quiet your nerves?
* Do you face circumstances that make you unhappy?
* What is your greatest worry?
* Why do you tolerate it when you have access to coaching what is that stops you from taking it?

These are the questions that I am asking people this week. The more
you know about yourself, the stronger your control over your thoughts.
You have to protect you mind from negative thoughts that drag you off
course when trying to accomplish your dreams.   If you fail to have
control of your thoughts, you may be sure you will not control
anything else.

Coach Sumpter and Goethe on Life and Confidence

Goethe, I love Goethe. Who is this Goethe Person you might ask? He was born in 1749 in Frankfurt Germany.  Died 1832.  He was one of Germany’s most influential writers.  He was lauded as the prince of German Poems.

Goethe: Where there is hesitance, the chance to dram back ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation.
Coach Sumpter:  Until one is confident, no action will be taken and no results will be gotten.  You would never know what could have been, always living in regret about the things you woulda, coulda, shoulda done. Your regret will turn into resentment, anger and boom! You’re stuck not going forward.

Goethe: There is one elementary truth – that ignorance of which kills countless idea and splendid plans that the moment definitely commits oneself providence moves too.
Coach Sumpter: Until the moment you detach from the internal, repetitive conversations that you wallow in, nothing will happen.  Your life will remain on autopilot that will drive you to make yourself wrong. When you let go and detach from these old ideas, all things become possible. You will think of solid actionable ideas.

Goethe: All sorts of things occurred to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.  
Coach Sumpter: We are always in creation.  However, with creation comes the feeling of fear.  With fear you’re always aware of the bad things that can happen. You wind up always talking about what you do not want instead of focusing on the things that you desire.  Focus on what it is you want and don’t ever focus on what you don’t want.

Goethe: A whole stream of event issues from the decision raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material substance which no one could have dreamed would have come your way.
Coach Sumpter: When you take action and say yes to your desires, the games you are playing disappear. When you share your desires, you get excited and your faith in your thoughts, ideas and life becomes strong.

Goethe: Raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material substance which no one could have dreamed would have come your way.
Coach Sumpter: Ideas, thoughts and then confidence start to unfurl because you are out of your head. Fear no longer has a grip on you.

Goethe: Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Coach Sumpter: Your confidence, dreams and desires begin to take shape. They bring you back to life. You become excited about living.  You realize that lack of confidence and fear have no place in your life.

Goethe: Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Coach Sumpter: You become bold, exciting and attractive as you develop your confidence.

Go for the life that you want NOW! Stop talking, stop making yourself wrong.
Make yourself RIGHT – Today, Tomorrow, Always. Call me to see how 718 834 9450.

Can’t Get No Satisfaction

I cannot imagine the thought of having to go out to work and perform a job that I do not like or am not happy with.  According to the Conference Board research group, only 45% of American people are satisfied with their jobs.  That leaves 55%  of the population that are not happy with their job. Can you imagine, a doctor or Health care provider training all these years and deciding that they do not like their job or the people they take care of?  Scary.

Not receiving job satisfaction can have a profound impact on how you not only do your job, but how you are left feeling at the end of the day.  Are you satisfied?

•    Do you think it is important to enjoy your job or are you just in it for the money?
•    Do you think that if you enjoy your job your life is fuller?
•    Is it important for you to be able to express yourself in the work that you do?
•    Do you think that you can either have money or happiness at work, and have to give up one for the other?
•    Do you think it takes courage to go after your passions?

In the past, enjoying your job was considered a foreign concept by some.  Most people were raised to grin and put up with the jobs that they had.  Going for a job that you enjoyed was considered to be stupid. It was only important that you gained security and that garnered you the all important paycheck.

People who are working at jobs they enjoy, enjoy their lives a lot more than ones that just accept their situation.  Today, it is important to create a life that you love and a job that you enjoy.  More people are evaluating what is really important to these days.
What is important to you?

•    Are the things that are important to you things that you can share with others?
•    Are you snuffing out your passion and accepting a second best life or third best life?

It is time to re-evaluate your life and focus on what is important to you.  What are you willing to do to have your job provide you the satisfaction you want?

Go for the life that you want NOW! Stop talking, stop making yourself wrong.
Make yourself RIGHT – Today, Tomorrow, Always. Call me to see how 718 834 9450.

What Women Want From a Partner

Though some of these following requests might appear to be self-centered and over indulged, they are what many women would like from a partner. However, if you look at the request for what they are really saying, you can hear that they want love and attention. These women like all women want to be loved and adored. They require what sounds like simple things. They want to be appreciated for the woman and feminine beings that that they are. Here are some of the requests I have heard form women over the years:

  • Spend time with me
  • Allow me to share my feelings
  • Share your pleasure with me
  • Be open with your feelings
  • Feel good about us or leave
  • Knows where to stand as a man
  • Have confidence
  • Be romantic
  • Offer me protection
  • Takes pride in our relationship
  • Respect me
  • Be thoughtful
  • Give me the gift of time…
  • Listen
  • Tell me I am beautiful and appreciated
  • Asking my opinion regarding a life decision that you are thinking about making…
  • Kiss me on my forehead after serving him dinner
  • Kiss me on my forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, left boobie and right boobie 5:30 in the morning when he leaves for work
  • Text me he made it to work and that he can’t wait to get back home.
  • Give me reasons to giggle
  • Compliment me in detail
  • Randomly express how he appreciates me in his life
  • Kiss tears away when they fall
  • Put a warm rag on my tummy during that time, hand me 2 Aleve, and some water, make me some tea, and hold me to distract from the pain and discomfort until I fall asleep
  • Give me words of encouragement
  • Be loyal
  • Acknowledgment my accomplishments
  • Give me emotional support coupled with physical touch (such as a hug, human touch doesn’t mean sexual)
  • Hold me tighter when the alarm goes off
  • Speak about our future together in detail
  • Motivate me, it shows your belief in who I am and what I do

Simple things mean a lot to every girl. Small talks, weird topics, smiles, a thank you, and a lot more. But nothing beats the respect, thoughtfulness, time and sincerity of what a man can give to his woman. 🙂 It’s the simple things, not so much the grandeur gestures.

If The Condom Fits…

I was reading an article called “Flip the Script” in the current Sex and Love Sextember section of Essence magazine as I prepared for my Date Like You Mean It Event.  Everything that I read seemed very weighty about dating or human interaction.
This article was about men and condoms.  The argument was that men try to get out of using condoms.  Their mission was to prepare women with comebacks on how to protect themselves and still keep the mood.  They gave instructions about what to do when he was trying to run game.   For me the article had its usual advertising opportunity and consumer awareness which is not a bad thing.
Well, to flip the script again, this time the script is to prepare men with comebacks.  It is been said and thought by people that it is always the man that does not want to use a condom. However, I know that is not always the situation.  More often than recognized or confessed it’s the woman.  Again more often than not, it is older women, not girls in their 20’s.  But using a condom helps to prevent the spread of STSs.
If you are being responsible around your sexual health, you never have to plan your reasons to use a condom.  What’s the worst that could happen if the person, man or woman, does not want to use a condom?  They leave upset, but you can never compromise your values or choice and feel good with yourself.   The article gave individual scenarios for condom endorsements, here are some straight forward to the point examples.
Man/Woman/Your Response
  • I can’t feel anything. –  Too bad my rule is if you cannot use a condom.  You won’t be feeling anything with me.
  • I don’t have a condom.  Let’s just keep going. –  No condom, no sex we can go get some or wait.
  • Let me just put the tip, I won’t go any further. –  My doctor calls it rim play. Condom please!
  • Don’t you trust me? – I trust that I will use a condom with or without you.
  • I can never find a condom that fits. –  Aw! How unfortunate, but they come in all different sizes.
  • I don’t have a condom. –  Don’t worry I carry my own. I am a person in control of my sex life.
After speaking with a few male friends of mine, they told me that they have been in the situation where women did not want to use a condom.  One man said that he was with a woman who tried to guilt him into not using a condom. She told him, in an explicit way, that it feels better.  It was very uncomfortable as he wanted to have sex, but insisted that he would wear a condom.
They said that a woman that did not wear a condom was a deal breaker and made them feel uncomfortable. It is a myth that all men want to have sex without a condom.  I read a tweet on Monday by a fellow relationship coach who said carrying a condom showed that you were prepared to practice safe sex, but it also showed that you had no discipline.  I feel that practicing safe sex is very disciplined.   If you do not have a condom, than you don’t and won’t have sex.
*Its important to have your own condom as some people do not know how to store them and or think about the expiration dates.  Condoms should be stored in a cool dry place, away from both excess heat and extremely low temperatures. Storing condoms in the pocket, valet or car compartment may damage them.

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Why Is Dating So Confusing?

Dating? What is it? Why is it so confusing? Dating is a form of courtship that focuses mostly on social activities between two people for the sole reason of accessing whether they are suitable for each other as an intimate partner or potential mate. Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which emerged in the last few centuries.

During the Middle Ages in Europe, weddings were seen as business arrangements between families.  While romance was something that happened before and outside of marriage, discreetly in covert meetings.  Can you imagine being in a loveless marriage that was a business transaction?  The only way that people were able to pursue love and intimacy was by having affairs.   A 12th-century book, The Art of Courtly Love, advised that “True love can have no place between husband and wife”.  Can you imagine?  I think that we are still at that place given the number of divorces we are experiencing in this time.

Dating is two people together in public, exploring if they should become romantically involved. Each person is in chorus evaluating the other as a possible future partner, and at the same time is being evaluated. Dating is stressful. Some of what happens on a date is guided by a mutual understanding of societies rules. In my opinion, dating becomes scary because of a set of mythological rules from our reptilian brains and how its effect on our emotions.  Dating is not based on logic.  It turns smart successful people into confused bumbling idiots.

What is dating anyway? Why does it catch us off guard? Why do we have all of these negative conversations surrounding dating, most of which we make up in our heads?  What is it that has so many people confused, frightened and upset?   I’ll tell you what I think. It’s because we are all trying very hard to avoid the experience of being vulnerable.  We do not want to be responsible for what we really want in relationship and we have a fear of rejection.

We believe that being vulnerable is a weakness, when being vulnerable is actually one of our strengths.  Being vulnerable allows us to be truthful with ourselves and our feelings. Vulnerability does not operate on the side of logic.

My personal experience with being vulnerable was when I was trying avoid my feelings.  I was feeling anxious, worried and outside of myself.  I do not like these feelings.   So, I do not dwell in them for a long time.  The moment I shared my vulnerability and what I was afraid of, I felt like I rebalanced myself.  I experienced a sense of relief.  It gave me power and the self-awareness of how I was shutting myself down and not being open to my feelings.  I found out I was resisting my emotions by constantly complaining to anyone who would listen.   I discovered that I was creating the same problems in every relationship that I encountered.  I didn’t express my feelings and wasn’t vulnerable, then I became distant or resentful.

When you are considering dating, it is important to know what it is that you want to create for yourself.  What is the intention of dating? Be honest and clear with yourself.  Take nothing personally.  Accept that your date is having their own variation of what it is you are going through.   After you gain clarity about your needs, wants, and expectations, be courageous enough to share them, knowing that not every person who wants to date might be on the same page as you.

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